Australians are being warned that believing everything is sorted because they have a Will could leave their children fighting over jewellery, furniture, photographs and personal possessions, sometimes destroying relationships forever.   

Many people write a Will, nominate an executor, decide who gets the house and divide the money and die everything is sorted.  Unfortunately, this is not the case. 

My TAP® co-founder Isla George warned when the grown-up children walk in everything changes.  One takes Mum’s jewellery because she always said it would be hers, another wants Dad’s tools, somebody claims the antique cabinet and family photographs disappear.

Suddenly everyone has a different recollection of what Mum or Dad always wanted.

Within days, grief can turn into anger and resentment and brothers and sisters who grew up together can stop speaking over possessions their parents never imagined would tear the family apart.

The founders of Australian digital life planning platform My TAP® are warning Australians that one of the greatest mistakes people make is believing a Will automatically means they are leaving their affairs completely organised.

Isla George said the big assets may be documented while dozens of smaller, highly personal decisions are left for grieving families to sort out.

“People think, ‘I’ve got a Will, my children know I love them and they’ll work everything else out’, but that’s an enormous assumption,” George said.

“The house and bank accounts might be dealt with, but who gets Mum’s engagement ring, Dad’s watch, the artwork, furniture, tools, photographs or collections?

“These are the things that can become incredibly emotional because their sentimental value can be far greater than their financial value.”

It can start with someone taking one thing

My TAP® co-founder Lisa Wendland said conflict can begin when relatives start removing possessions based on what they believe they were promised.

“One person takes a piece of jewellery because Mum apparently told them they could have it, somebody else discovers it is gone and suddenly the argument isn’t really about the jewellery anymore,” Wendland said.

“It becomes about fairness, favouritism, who did more for Mum, who visited Dad and grievances that might go back 30 years.

“Grief has already put everyone in an emotional state and then you add possessions and decades of family history, which can become incredibly combustible.”

Parents can also unintentionally create confusion by having different conversations with their children without documenting what they actually want.

“Mum might tell one daughter that she will have her ring one day, then years later say something different to another child.  Once Mum is gone nobody can ask her what she meant,” Wendland said.

“Everyone can genuinely believe they are right.”

The $50 possession that can destroy a family

George said families do not need to be wealthy to end up fighting over an estate because inexpensive possessions can carry enormous emotional meaning.

“It might be Dad’s fishing gear, Mum’s recipe book, a painting, the dining table everyone grew up around or a piece of jewellery worth very little financially,” George said.

“To somebody else it might look ridiculous that a family is fighting over something worth $50, but to them it represents Mum or Dad.

“Once somebody believes another family member has taken something they weren’t entitled to, the damage can become much bigger than the object.”

Your children may never speak again

Wendland said parents who spent their lives holding their family together can inadvertently leave behind uncertainty that contributes to destroying those relationships.

“You can spend 80 years building a family and still leave your children with a mess because you assumed they would sort everything out,” Wendland said.

“Brothers and sisters can become estranged, partners become involved, grandchildren get dragged into arguments and resentment can last for years.

“Imagine thinking everything was organised because you signed a Will, only for your children to end up never speaking again.  Nobody wants that to be part of their legacy.”

A Will can’t explain every detail of your life

George stressed that a properly prepared Will and professional estate planning remain critically important, but said families can still be left with countless personal questions.

“Who should receive sentimental possessions? What happens to the contents of your home? Who gets the photographs? What happens to your pet? What can be donated and what would you never want thrown away?” George said.

“Your family shouldn’t have to become detectives at exactly the time they are grieving.”

My TAP® is designed to complement rather than replace a legally valid Will, enabling people to record broader wishes, personal information, memories, messages and details about possessions for the people they trust.

Walk around your house and imagine your children dividing it

Wendland is encouraging Australians to undertake a simple but confronting exercise.

“Walk through your house, open your jewellery box, garage, cupboards and drawers and imagine your family having to divide everything without you there,” Wendland said.

“Consider which things matter and which things might two people want? Think about whether you have promised something to somebody and does anyone else know?

“If there is a story behind something, capture that too, because something that means the world to you could look like junk to somebody cleaning out your home.”

George said people often avoid detailed planning because discussing death feels uncomfortable, but that discomfort can ultimately be transferred to the people they love.

“Your family will already be grieving, so don’t also leave them with a house full of unanswered questions,” George said.

“Most parents would be horrified by the thought of their children fighting over their possessions, yet many are leaving exactly the circumstances in which that can happen.

“Having a Will doesn’t mean you’ve finished the conversation.  Don’t just divide the money and assume everything else will work itself out, because sometimes the smallest things you leave behind can cause the biggest family fights.”